silberfuchs | Appointments/Voicemail

The arena.

[He rested his head on his partner's shoulder, one of his hands finding a tight grip on the other man.]

The arenas.

[His voice got quieter.]

I'm tired. I can't keep watching you die, Al. I'm afraid you won't come back when I wake up.

[But it wasn't just that. Maybe if there weren't alcohol running through his system, he'd keep his mouth shut and keep his fears to himself. He was supposed to be strong for his partner and keep supporting him so Jet wouldn't lose him again. Wouldn't lose him like he'd almost lost him on Valhalla. But with his two biggest fears seeming to constantly hang over his head, it was hard not to think about them.]

...I'm afraid that something they do'll be too much--like those zombies or whatever they were--and I won't be able to help anymore. You'll pull away from me. You'll go where I can't follow.

[He could take care of Albert all he wanted, protect him, do everything in his power, but if that darkness won out, there wouldn't be anything Jet could do to keep the man he loved with him. And that scared him more than his partner dying. Dying Jet could do.]

[At first, Albert thought it was Jet feeling how he'd felt all these years, having to stand aside and watch the American greet death more than once, hating himself for not stopping it, for not protecting the person he cared for most, and that he can relate to all too easily.

But it's not the same monster, not entirely. What Jet's talking about is something he's thankfully (and miraculously, given his history) never experienced. Something that's plagued Albert for so many years and rears its ugly head suddenly when things become too much. It closes in, blocks out the light, and leaves him in utter and complete darkness. Jet may not completely understand it, but somehow he's always been the one to shine through. Albert lives in fear of a day when it doesn't work.

Jet apparently does too.]

I'm sorry...

[What else does he say? He's silent for a long moment trying to figure it out, filling the silence with shifting so he can hold his fiance close.]

I know it's difficult. If there was some cure, I would take it in a heartbeat, but what I can promise you is this.

[He fills Jet's hands with his own, looking his inebriated partner in the eyes white to blue.]

If I feel that I'm slipping, I'll tell you before it happens. I promise I'll do everything I can to hold on.

[He squeezes Jet's hand, the metal of the blond's ring digging into the gap between his fingers.]

It's easier with something to live for.

Edited 2014-08-06 19:20 (UTC)

[Oddly enough, that helped. Maybe it was Albert looking right at him so Jet knew it was the truth, maybe it was that squeeze of his hands, but he did feel honestly better for it.

He straightened up and leaned their foreheads together, nodding slightly.]

Okay. I'm holding you to that.

[Maybe, as long as he had warning, he could fight off those demons tooth and nail.]

I'll always fight for you. Even if that's forever.

[Because just as Jet may be worth living for, Albert was worth fighting for.]

[That, in turn, makes Albert feel safe somehow. That Jet will keep fighting for him against any odds, against his own demons. And the way his partner says it makes it sound possible for him to win.

Albert's eyes fall shut, just feeling Jet's forehead against his own comfortably as he holds the blond close.]

We'll make it through this. Together.

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